In a world fraught with uncertainties, emotional resilience emerges as a critical asset for navigating the challenges of modern life both inside and outside the classroom.
An emotional resilience program should not add to the stress of teaching but instead help to alleviate daily pressures for staff, students and parents. It needs to be easily integrated into the school culture, providing a sustainable solution rather than just a temporary fix.
From my 45 years of experience as a teacher and researcher, I created ER, a powerful yet straightforward language designed to increase emotional resilience throughout the school community.
By involving staff, students, and parents, ER creates a common language that simplifies emotions and boosts emotional intelligence and resilience. Using the same language regularly leads to long-term changes in the brain, resulting in greater control over reactions to people and circumstances. Similar to a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
These four ER principles can be easily incorporated into everyday conversations, no matter where you are:
- Instead of labelling emotions as good or bad, view them as rough or smooth emotional roads. Teenagers often struggle to answer how they feel but find it easier to share if they are on a rough or smooth road. Being objective removes stigma and judgement, making those difficult conversations much easier. Just as roads serve different purposes, so do emotions. Rough emotions build resilience, while smooth emotions promote well-being, removing the need to lift everyone off a rough road. This makes recognising and accepting feelings easier without feeling pressured to always be on a smooth road.
- The metaphorical steering wheel in ER represents emotional control and the power of choice in navigating life’s challenges. As in a car, you should be the only one controlling your emotional steering wheel. This logical approach empowers students to regain control over their focus, emotions, and destination. Just because someone else is on a rough road doesn’t mean you must join them, fostering resilience and responsibility.
- Understanding that emotional resilience cannot be built when out of control on either road is crucial. Out-of-control scenarios activate the amygdala, the brain’s fight, flight or freeze mode, disabling the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for thinking and creativity. It is only possible to discuss a situation once the involved parties have regained control and can access the thinking part of their brain. Therefore, regaining control is essential for having productive discussions and maintaining emotional wellbeing. Ways of regaining control will vary, so ER teaches how to work out the ones that will work for you.
- Shifting from blame to responsibility involves removing phrases such as ‘You are making me angry’, which inadvertently hands your emotional steering wheel to others. Replace it with, ‘I am choosing to feel angry in response to this situation’. This subtle alteration, substituting ‘making’ with ‘choosing’, helps reclaim ownership of your steering wheel rather than relinquishing control to external factors. Assigning blame, such as ‘It’s your fault, it’s the school’s fault, it’s my parents’ fault’ leaves you feeling like a victim, often leading to retaliation to regain control.
By embracing this verbal shift towards personal responsibility, students foster a sense of empowerment rather than perpetuating a victim mentality. This adjustment can profoundly influence their perspective and emotional wellbeing, equipping them with the tools to navigate challenges with resilience and control.
Here are some simple questions to help incorporate the language into your daily life:
- What road am I on?
- What road are they on?
- Are you in control?
- Are they in control?
- What helps me regain control?
- Am I being influenced by other’s emotions?
- Who has control of my steering wheel?
ER helps students and the school community develop emotional resilience. Awareness of the emotional state of yourself and others fosters emotional intelligence, while learning to regain control builds resilience. It shifts focus from dwelling on challenges to managing responses. Incorporating language changes into daily life builds new neural pathways, creating new thought patterns and removing judgment and blame. Recognising that navigating tough emotions is crucial for growth takes the pressure off always having to be on a smooth road. Taking responsibility for your emotions improves mental and emotional health and well-being, creating a positive relationship with yourself and others.
Some students may baulk at or make fun of the language, but that’s ok. When students are at the pointy end of life, schools have found that they revert to the language, as it helps them communicate their feelings without judgement, stigma or blame. It’s certainly worth a try.
About the author
Dr Jane Foster is a leading educator, researcher, presenter and author of It’s In Your Hands; Your Steering Wheel, Your Choice. Combining her educational skills with neuroscience and positive psychology, Dr Foster equips people with strategies to help build emotional resilience and manage their daily stresses, successfully changing perspective and creating new neural pathways.
For more information, visit www.emotionalresiliencetraining.com.au
